Genesis 3:16 ~ Desire

I recently read a part of an old sermon titled “I Now Know Who’s the Boss,” from a Southern Baptist trustee. Something about the sermon just did not sound right. Here are two excerpts from adjacent sections of his written message:

Introduction: Remember Sunday morning I said that in my understanding of marriage forty years ago, we operated best when my wife understood who was the boss -- and “God said I’m the boss.”

I based my view on an understanding of the following verse.

Genesis 3:16 - “Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.”

After the fall in the Garden, God said two things about Adam and Eve's relationship with each other.

1. Eve … she will 'desire' her husband The word 'desire' is often misunderstood. It means in scripture 'to exert domininion' and the word is used just a chapter later:

Genesis 4:7 “If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his (sin's) DESIRE . . .”

Well, his subject was relationships within marriage. Is the husband to dominate the wife? Or is the marriage to be mutual? Based on Ephesians 5:18-21 “And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; 20 always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father; 21 and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ,” he said:

So what does a spirit-filled person look like?
v. 19 – joyful – this Spirit produced
v. 20 – grateful – this Spirit produced
v. 21 – serving, submissive – this Spirit produced

This would appear to completely negate the headship of the husband, and make marriage a purely complimentary relationship. Now, I will be the last one to say that the husband is to “dominate” his wife, because the implication there is that the husband is “using” his wife. “Using” one another is not Scriptural, not Spiritual, or Christian.

Without solving, or even addressing, the question of the headship of the husband over his wife (Who’s the Boss?), I want to deal exegetically with one of his passages. My problem with his sermon is what he said about Genesis 3:16: “To the woman He said, ‘I will greatly multiply Your pain in childbirth, In pain you will bring forth children; Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you.’”

The preacher said that his previous misunderstanding came from the meaning of the word “desire,” that this did not mean that the wife “desired” her husband:

Eve … she will 'desire' her husband. The word 'desire' is often misunderstood. It means in scripture 'to exert domininion' and the word is used just a chapter later:
Genesis 4:7 “If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his (sin's) DESIRE . . .”

My question is this: What does the word “desire” mean in the original Hebrew text and in the LXX Greek translation of that text? Let me show you what I found without boring you with the actual Hebrew and Greek texts:

This noun appears only three times in the Old Testament, once in Song 7:10. The woman says of her beloved: “I am my beloved's and his 'desire' is for me.” The two remaining references are Gen 3:16 and Gen 4:7. In the latter passage God is speaking to Cain and says to him that sin is like a crouching beast "hungering, intent upon" Cain. In the former passage God says, "Your 'desire' shall be to your husband and he shall rule over you." This is obviously neither an intensification nor a warping of a pre-existing hierarchy between the sexes for no such hierarchy is alluded to.

There are two differences between the Gen passage (Gen 3:16) and that in the Song of Solomon. In the former the reference is to the wife's desire for her husband. In the latter it is the bridegroom's desire for the bride. Second, in the Gen passage the reference to "desire" is in a context of sin and judgment. In the latter, the reference is in a context of joy and love.

Eve desires her husband, and the bridegroom desires his bride; and, in a twisted way, sin crouched at the door for Cain and desired him. Genesis 4:7 “If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it.” Sin lusted to possess Cain; now that is powerful temptation! Headship is another question altogether, aside from this preacher’s misuse of Genesis 3:16.

Clearly the word “desire” does not mean “dominion” as the preacher said. Eve did not want dominion over her husband (that’s not what she wanted), and Adam did not need to “dominate” Eve. This is a sexual term. Christians need not be prudish about sex in the proper relationship of marriage! We need not pretend that the Bible does not speak to these issues. We also need to not be imprudent about discussing the topic. Discretion and propriety in all things, please!